Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Lifeline -- You Make it Real

Do you remember our song? It used to be our relationship's lifeline. Every single fight we had, I used to listen to that song and it somewhat saved your ass for a long while and then suddenly, it didn't matter anymore. as awesome as it is, it couldn't save us -- it couldn't erase what you've done. pain overtook the song's importance. it's like, i used to listen to it everyday but the more i listened to it as our relationship started to fade -- it didn't sound the same anymore. honestly though, i haven't listened to it until today. I had forgotten about it and then i remembered, it's a tuesday and tuesdays are special to us and so i listened to it. Bla bla. Now, it's just a passing song. A song that's only meant to be heard when i want to feel that long forgotten feeling of comfort. It now stands as a reminder -- a reminder of happiness beyond words and of that chest crushing pain. Do you know that feeling or that moment when you've had this favorite song you had light years away and just in a passing moment, you've heard it in a radio and you're like, 'this song is familiar. oh yeah' and then you start singing it but you forgot some of the words but still you'd get that sense of familiarity? yeah, your existence would be like that to me now. When someone mentions your name, i'm going to get that same feeling but that's just it, eh. 

"You got to be the only one, who knows just who I am."

*senseless Na.Na*

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Good bye, Sanity

Breathing . .
  it's so hard sometimes.

Struggling . . 
  I'm in a limbo, alone and confused.

Crying . . 
  silent flow of tears.

Listening . .
  hushed voices in my head.

Screaming . .
  a silent plea.

Crushing . .
  china - like organ for survival.

Ending . . 
  a zeal of happiness.
Waiting . .
 a saving grace.

Bidding . .
  good bye, sanity. 

*senseless Na.Na*

7 Words or Less

Closing my eyes
I listened
To the silent words of the forgotten
Tears spilt
Memories remembered
Pictures flashed
Found a new revelation

Opening my eyes
The truth crashed
Denial lifted
I miss you
That’s all I’ve been missing.

*senseless Na.Na*

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

A Way Out

it’s a way out, i guess. drinking, hanging out, or reading a book with a happy ending but at the end of the day, when you’re completely doing nothing — every detail of the painful experiences that you’ve had crash over, the pain you’ve thought that has subsided tightens up your chest and there’s nothing you could do but to cry and when that’s done, when you’ve shed enough tears and you’ve felt better, all you could do is to remind yourself that you need to be strong and not let another memory make you go back to that moment that you’ve thought you couldn’t get over with. I am not making sense at all. haha. bottom line is that I’m struggling to set myself free from all this bullshit. one minute, i’m okay and the next thing i know, i’m moping. and i’m just tired of going back and forth with that sort of emotion but i guess, life is a push and pull of some sort or an emotional roller coaster. maybe, this is the reason why i can’t seem to open up to a guy who’s interested in me because a part of me will always be afraid that i would go through that sort of shitness monstrosity again and i know sooner or later, a sudden moment of epiphany would make me be totally happy and fall in love all over again. i am not bitter, don’t get me wrong and i’m over him but no matter what, there’s still that pang of pain that is always reminding me of how stupid i was that i allowed someone to play me like i’m a rag doll. i know about his intentions when he tries to communicate with me and i’ve done a whole lot of effort to stay away from him but you know, there’s this small part of me who’s so damn in love with him that i just couldn’t stop myself from replying. i know he’s head over heels over someone but the thing is that why the hell would he still contact me whatsoever and please don’t give that ‘he’s your friend’ bullshit ‘cause that’s a total and pure asshat reason. oh well, no stepping backward. forward forward to infinty and beyond. 

*senseless Na.Na*