Sunday, July 31, 2011

It's Friday.

One missed call.
Mada. (my mother) 

Me: Ma, anhi ku tug ila adele. (Ma, i'll sleep here at Adele's.)
Ma: that's what I wanted to know.
Me: (shocked) Ow! I'm sorry that I haven't answered your call. I was editing my thesis. Nyt, ma.
Ma: Nite 2



*senseless Na.Na*

Saturday, July 23, 2011

That Awkward Moment when . .

I just feel a bit rejected. The feeling when someone closed to you is starting to, kind of, stop being close with you. That awkward moment when both of you are left in a fucking room alone and you've got nothing left to say with each other. It really sucks and it's awkward (obviously!). It sounds crazy but maybe, I've outgrown that person. I became mature and we just drifted apart. Maybe, just maybe. I saw that certain person and I know that that person saw me but that person didn't even bother to say hi or whatever. I fucking hate this sort of feeling but I fucking really don't mind that much. 

*senseless Na.Na*

Saturday, June 25, 2011

The Come Back.

A 4th year CDU nursing student has a very very boring social life, worst: NO SOCIAL LIFE AT ALL. We went to the mall to have Aiken's car checked up (KIA has this free consultation thingy) and I really had fun. I mean, fun in the sense that I was laughing hysterically like nobody's watching. HAHAH. My social life only involves SMS-ing friends. Very Fun. Hmm. And yeah, I wanted to have a fake tattoo with what I wrote below my ankle and fortunately, there was a free fake tattoo-ing in the event that we went to.

the outline. pardon my fuckingly awesome handwriting. *insert ?face* GAAA.

Meanwhile, in my Facebook's newsfeed, I saw my aunt's status.

Here's what my Aunt posted:
FACEBOOK TIP: when you have a husband who is away on a business trip and there is something you like that he can buy from where he is, post a picture of exactly what you want on your wall. he might buy it for you. ;) ...... thanks francis lim for my toms! (i didn't do it on purpose though) ;p. am so excited for thursday! :)
My comment:
 when you have an aunt who is miles away from you and there is something that you want in cotton on that she can definitely afford and can definitely buy for you, just tell her what it is and she might buy it for you. :D thanks in advance te. I am so excited for it. can't wait for you to go home this december. HIHIHIHIHI 
I'm so good, right? HIHIHI.  

*senseless Na.Na*


Yes. I've been busy these past few days because of school stuff (when will this end?). I've slept for like 2 hours so, I'm kind of grouchy. I want to sleep but I have a lot of things to do. GOD!!!!

My papa is in Ormoc for a big bike event and I'm like, what the? BRING ME NEXT TIME! HIHIHI

So anyways, I was browsing through my aunt's Facebook wall when I came across a photo that she was tagged in by her husband. The photo was a letter that she and her daughter tucked in the bag of her husband just so they could surprise him and make him feel "homey" in Hawaii. I think he's in Hawaii for a job thing (LUCKY!!).
Here's the caption:

 two very touching gestures. both from the heart.
travelling away for 10days and wifey tucked in 50bucks that she has kept for so long in her wallet. seeing it, ninya got an assortment of coins from her piggy bank and tucked those in too. she said so that i have money to be able to eat while im away!
thanks so much girls! missing you a lot!
Isn't this the sweetest thing ever? I lived with them for a week when I was in HK for a vacay and I could really feel the love. chos! 
My aunt commented. Here's her comment:
we are very blessed w/ a very sweet daughter. i asked her what she like to tell papa. i wrote what she said in a piece of paper and she copied it in the card. try having the php n hk coins to usd maybe u can buy pinacolada and hawaian pizza by it. :D we miss you too padoy! have fun still.
I am so breaching their privacy but this is too sweet. :D I am so jealous, I wish to have a happy married life just like what my aunt and my uncle have. (PLUS! they have such a very cool daughter.) AWWWW.
This is just it. HAHA. Got nothing left to share. So, I'll end this post with a song that me and Nicole love. 

*senseless Na.Na*

Sunday, June 19, 2011


It's been a tiring week. Classes only started last week but it feels like a month. T_T
Research has been sucking my freaking energy, time, and soul. HUHUH. I'm so tired. I can't even sleep that much because of school work, tests (as if I study. haha), and our manuscript.  

I wanted to watch Green Lantern yesterday but there was a massive change of plan because there's nobody who wants to watch it with me. I just went with my friends to Aiken's house for dinner (it was the eve of their barangay's fiesta).

 A sad thing happened to me two nights ago. I told my friend, who's been my crush for the longest time, that I have a crush on him BUT he didn't believe me at all. He just told me to be patient and that love will come my way soon.

Who the fuck does he think he is? Why is he so fucking blind? 

I'm done. I'm moving on. I'm going to make him regret for ignoring me. Just wait and see. 


*senseless Na.Na*

Friday, June 3, 2011

Just a Litte Hurt, That's All.

Life's unpredictability is stupid. I've been a fan of its unpredictability BUT it sure is, well, stupid. Senseless, right? HAHA

Anyways, I'm just hurt, that's all.
*senseless Na.Na*

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Grey's Anatomy: Unaccompanied Minor.

So, I just finished watching Grey's Anatomy Season Seven's final episode. No guns and police were involved with this episode unlike season six's final episode, where a lot of people died. 

This season's finale was kind of weird for me. 

I mean, Derek left Meredith with Zola; Karev's new "Izzie" (you know, with the commit-in-a-relationship-then-leave-sort-of-event) stole  his shot for a residency in Africa ; Yang's pregnant but again, she doesn't like the thought of her being a mother and then there's Owen who's insisting to keep the baby; Lexie is obviously still in love with Sloan even though she and the Avery are together BUT she chose to stay with Avery because he makes her happy; Adele, the chief's wife was technically the reason why Mer tampered with the drug trial; April became the chief resident (ooh, the follow-the-protocol girl); and the most awesome thing that happened to this episode was when Teddy finally realized that she has feelings for Henry too (take that trauma counselor!). 

What can I say about the finale?

Well, it wasn't as bongga than last season's finale but the thing about this finale is that it leaves you hanging. It made me formulate scenarios as to what might happen next. If Karev is going back to Mer's house or if Derek comes back to his senses or if Yang changes her mind about terminating the fetus or if Mer can handle being a mother or if . . .

 The worst thing about Yang and Mer is that they only think about themselves, they only think about their own pain, they only think about their own future. They shouldn't have gotten married if they want to do things their own way. I love them both but as what I saw, they deserve what they got. They should learn from this. Marriage isn't just about having sex or having a baby or who's going to provide this or that; marriage should be about sharing the right to make decisions or to plan for a future together. 

Anyhoo, I could really relate to Mer's last words before the last scene fades out. I feel her pain.
"Losing love is like organ damage, it's like dying, the only difference is death ends, this--it can go on forever."

I'll end this post with the song that was played in the end of the episode.


*senseless Na.Na*

They Choke Me Like a Noose

I've been feeling low lately. I feel like nobody trusts me anymore (Am I paranoid or what?). I'm having suicidal thoughts again. Whenever I am thinking deeply about something or whenever I try to close my eyes, I always think about cutting through my abdomen or my wrists. I don't know. I just want to run away from this horrid place, you know. This place doesn't feel like home; this doesn't feel right.

I'm tired of pretending to smile, I'm tired of pretending that I care for others, I'm tired of feeling inferior. In short, I'm tired of feeling anything. I can't even cry anymore. 

Whenever I think about my situation right now, I feel this tightness in my throat and this horrible ache in my chest (I am not exaggerating!). I don't know whom to confide these thoughts and so I decided to put it in my own version of Dumbledore's Pensieve. 

Whenever I am in my parent's house(As what I have said, this place doesn't feel like home), I feel inferior. It feels like I am not important here at all, that I am a burden and that they don't need me at all.

I am tired. I am really tired.

I don't feel loved at all. I don't feel that tender feeling. I want to feel loved. I want to be needed. I want to feel something other than pain. This may sound OA or whatever but what I'm saying is true, in every sense of it. I feel pain. Every random conversation, every word uttered, every smile faked, every forced laughter -- these are painful reminder of how aloof I am.

In school, they also see me as this strong, fearless, playful person BUT truly, I am nothing like what I am showing. I ain't strong, I ain't playful. I am always scared. I am scared of being left out that's why I am faking laughs and smiles, so everybody would want to be friends with me. I am scared of being rejected that's why I am chasing after someone whom I knew I can't have. I am scared of failing. I am scared of the reality, of consequences. I ain't a risk taker. I don't take risks, I always play safe. I am scared and nobody knows about it other than me. I talk a lot about myself. I know that for a fact. I am involving myself in every conversation and making it all about me because I want to be heard. I want to be heard. I want people to listen to me because it seems like no one ever listens to me here.

I have issues, A LOT of issues and no one is there to help. No one cares about me here.

I want to die but in reality, I am scared of death.

 I'll end this post with a song from ESCAPE THE FATE entitled ISSUES.

This is the death of me;
I feel it constantly.
Just like an enemy
that wants to see me bleed.
So I try to be silent, but my words, they explode like hand grenades.
I just gotta stay calm, before I let this time bomb blow up in my face.

These issues pin me to the floor.

These issues are my overlord.
I feel so dominated;
These issues, they choke my like a noose.
They choke me like a noose.
They choke me like a noose.

The Hounds of Hell, they cry,

that's how they get to me.
Inject my head with lies, the pain's astonishing.
Like a brick or a stone, slowing crushing my bones, sending me to my grave.
And it's such a fake, this life that I've made, I'm going insane.

These issues pin me to the floor.

These issues are my overlord.
I feel so dominated; These issues, they choke my like a noose.
They choke me like a noose.
They choke me like a noose.
They choke me like a noose.

These issues pin me to the floor.

These issues are my overlord.
I feel so dominated;
These issues, they choke my like a noose.
They choke me like a noose.
They choke me like a noose.
they choke me like a noose.
they choke me like a noose.

credit: video photo lyrics 

*senseless Na.Na*

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Behind the Name.

The Senseless Pensieve.

Yes, I changed my URL domain. Why? Because I just had the urge to change it. Blame me and my impulsiveness. Last Tuesday, I was browsing through my tumblr dashboard when I came across a photo of the second part of the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. So, I decided to read the book again but I got tired and so I decided to search for awesome quotes from the books.
While I was browsing and reading through the quotes, I fell in love with a quote by the headmaster himself, Albus Dumbledore. It was all about the pensieve.
I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind.... At these times... I use the Pensieve. One simply siphons the excess thoughts from one's mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at one's leisure. ~Albus Dumbledore

I have such crazy thoughts and I think too much, thus, the quote above somewhat explains my desire to post random thoughts in my tumblr and blogger accounts.

My blogs and journal are like Dumbledore's Pensieve. They are places where I store most of the senseless thoughts that my mind produces. 

*senseless Na.Na*

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Wounded, Barely Healed Heart.

Was I ever in love with him? What is love? Can someone really have a definite definition to an abstract thing? Can we trust Mr. Webster with this one?

I think, we all have our own definitions of love; these definitions may be simple or it may be complex but all I know is that even until now, I don't really know what love really is.

If having that feeling of being in cloud nine is love, then I must have been in love; or
If thinking about that someone too much that all you could ever talk about and think about is him, then I must have been in love; or
If having that urge to see him everyday or make out as much as you want is love then I must have been; or
if being hurt and having to feel your heart literally breaking after you found out that he doesn't "love" you anymore and that he found someone who's way better than you are is love then I must have been insanely, irrevocably in love with the wrong person.

I know, I was young then and I didn't have any clue what love is all about, even now. Maybe it's just infatuation or an addiction or was it just a phase? or maybe it happened because I found someone who's attracted to me for who I am, a weird and disorganized being? 

I don't really know but all I know is that when he hurt me, when he dumped me over another girl, it destroyed my innocence. He destroyed my thoughts, my fantasy about this magical, abstract thing that they call love. I even burned bridges which clearly sucks because I've been shooing guys who might actually be right for me.

Maybe the reason why I am into chasing guys who aren't attracted to me is because I have been subconsciously protecting myself from another heartache, from another rejection, from being dumped again, from being hurt or from whatever baggage that love brings with him. I guess, I'm saving myself from love's after-shock.

Six years after the incident, I kind of lost my hope to love. Will I ever love again? Will I be able to give myself to another guy just like what I did the last time? Will I ever be ready? Am I totally healed? 

I conclude this post with a song from one of the talented bands that captured my wounded, barely healed heart: THE SCRIPT.

The End Where I Begin

 "The cure for the heart is to move along . ."


*senseless Na.Na*

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Extraordinarily Ordinary.

Like any other storybook, mine started with. . . .Once upon a time.

In the morning of November 28, 1991 at exactly 7:14, a baby girl named Na.Na was born. Yes, I was born that day. I wasn’t born healthy though. I experienced cord coil thus I was held inside my mother’s womb for quite some time until the OB – GYN decided that it was time for me to see the world, well, the delivery room first.
Fact is, it isn’t our mothers who saw us first when we're born, it is the OB-GYN; also, it isn’t our mothers who first touched us, it is the nurse-in-charge in the nursery room.

The pediatric doctor thought that I may have ingested wastes because I was held too long inside my mother’s womb and so, she ordered the nurses to have me injected with antibiotics.Yes, for one week after my mother and I were discharged from the hospital, I had to have antibiotic shots.

I read a book once and it stated there that there is a big possibility that I may have a damaged brain or worst; I may have died even before I opened my eyes because of the cord coil thing. So, I came up with a conclusion that maybe because of what happened to me, having experienced your own cord, the cord that connects you and your mother, coiled around your neck which hindered oxygen to go into your brain, is the reason why I have such messed up thoughts.

My name isn’t really Na.Na. but  I’d like to keep it that way. I am extraordinarily ordinary; I was raised by an ordinary family in an ordinary house. In short, I am just a commoner. A common person just like anybody else.

I have a story just like everybody else. Like, how my father bought me a car but then he decided to sell it; how I tried hard to be somebody else when I know that I am better off, me; how I can't seem to understand my own mind; how I picture myself cutting off my abdomen a lot of times and planned murders and suicides; how forgetful I tend to be; how I brave I let on just so nobody would ask me if I'm okay; how stupidly I acted in high school to the extent that my teacher named me names; how badly I was hurt when I got cheated on by the first person I trusted so much; and etc. 

I have trust issues, abandonment issues, hell lot of issues. I may never be able to totally trust someone because I've done that and it fuckingly ruined my life. I have messed up thoughts, confusing brain.

My life is a book. It's a compilation of stories, stories that may be tragic or happy or whatever emotions are there. I don't know how and when it will end. Will I have a tragic ending or a comedic one? or  Will I ever have my own version of prince and 'happily ever after'? Truth is, I don't really know and no one will ever know.

All I know is, this is my life; this is my book. I am the editor, author. It may take me a year, maybe 20 but it's still an on-going book made in order to give this mixed up world a tiny eenie bit of significance.

This book may never be read and my name maybe forgotten but honestly, I don't really care.

*senseless Na.Na*

Thursday, April 28, 2011


We went to Hong Kong for a week and I enjoyed it pretty much. Hong Kong is definitely a place that I would want to settle in (but JAPAN is on the top of my list). The weather is appropriate (it's not as hot as it is now here in the PI). Anyways, what I love best about HK is that their culture is a mix of the east and the west. Shooz, I fell in love with their public transportation. 

  The famous Mong Kok Market. :D
 The homewrecker.
 Big Buddha.
Mong Kok, baby.
 McCafe. walay ngun ani sa Cebu. T_T
 Proud ma, nicole's dance recital
 Nicole - Loraine.
 Korean squid. . ? I forgot. HAHA
 enjoying the view
 lala with her two ladies.
 making faces
 the sunset.

*senseless Na.Na*

Monday, April 25, 2011


I know we have our own set of priorities: family, school, work, self, etc.  I also know that it depends on us if which of all the priorities that we have will we choose to be our main priority and if you ask if what mine is: it's to graduate...for now. Our THESIS is a group thing: if one fails to do his/her job then all of us will fail obviously. 

I've been telling everybody to work their asses off to accomplish the things that they're supposed to do. This may sound as if I'm dissing someone but the truth is, I'm tired and it's time for me to let this out.

The design hearing is near and we haven't even have our draft checked (it's not even that good), the tool hasn't been checked and we couldn't modify it unless it's been checked by the research coordinator (I'm just waiting for Aiken to send me a text so that I could go to school), we haven't even conducted a pre-survey (I told them before I've had my short vacay to do a pre survey but they didn't), our LEADER who's supposed to be the one leading us is getting on my nerves for being such an irresponsible bitch (PUN FUCKING INTENDED!). I mean, how can we succeed if we won't cooperate with each other, right? As what I've said, it's a group thing!

I just hope that all of us could meet and be done with this before the design hearing. There are a lot of things to do and there's little time left.

If they she don't doesn't want to graduate, FINE! They she should go the research coordinator and tell him about that rather than ruin my OUR future.

BV shoo. Leave me in PEACE.

UPDATE: nothing was accomplished yesterday, will meet with my groupmates tomorrow and I'm fucking gonna participate in this activity thing to pay off my absences. hell fucking week. Next week would be our volunteer duty week and the week after would be a week to pay off my fucking absences. 

GOD! I need your help! *enter optimistic thoughts*

*senseless Na.Na*

Sunday, April 24, 2011

FO SHIZZLE - Lyle Beniga, Shaun Evaristo, and Aimee

Have you ever seen someone so fly that whenever that someone moves he's literally flying?*insert confused face here* HAHAHAH. Well, I know I have. I haven't really seen them perform live and by live, I mean, I'm freaking near to be able to touch them, but I've seen some of their rehearsal videos and interviews in YOUTUBE (youtube, again?) HAHAHAH. I know, the youtube freak is at it again.


I just learned recently that SHAUN "EFFIN' HOT :P" EVARISTO was the one who choreographed ALSO EFFIN' HOT TAEYANG's Wedding Dress dance with the other AWESOMELY HOT LYLE BENIGA. I love Taeyang because of the dance and he delivered the dance really well BUT when I saw the two of them (Shaun and Lyle) dancing to the song, I was in AWE and I was like: I can really feel the pain. Really.  No exaggeration. HAHAHA

I adore the three of them and I'm proud of them because they're showing to everyone in the world that Filipinos aren't just good in singing (Charice, Lea, etc.) BUT we also excel in DANCING.

Here are some of the awesome rehearsal videos that they have.

Lyle Beniga


Shaun Evaristo


As an avid fan of dancing (though dancing hates me), I adore these three awesome people (I'm not biased just cause they're Filipinos), they really are awesome. Excellent choreographers, they have their own flavors. The good thing about them is that they incorporate emotions to their dances; they don't dance to impress people but they dance because that's how they feel and that's who they are. 


KUDOS to the THREE. <3

twitter: aimee  shaun   lyle

credits: youtube pictures

*senseless Na.Na*

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Wong Fu Production -- Strangers, Again.

We started as strangers and ended that way. :|

I'm just gonna let the video do the talking. The video was made by the awesome people of Wong Fu Productions.  

"It wasn't always like this. I can't really remember when it wasn't but I know for sure we weren't always like this. " 

*senseless Na.Na*


Ocean Park. No particular word can explain how invigorating their rides are. HAHAH. I was really expecting that the roller coaster ride and the abyss are scary but I found them not that scary -- I was asking for more. HAHA 

I could've gone back to ride The Abyss again BUT it started to rain in the middle of the Dolphin Show.

I know, less words; more photos. So here are some of the pictures we had in Ocean Park. 

 nicole and loraine.
 ocean park arrival. we rode a taxi from the ifc mall to the place.
 yes baby.
 the aquarium entrance.
 it's patrick.
 coolest view of the underwater world.
 great shot by francis lim

 An-An. <3
 this is after going in the aquarium, i think. enjoying the pop corn.
 did you know that the company my uncle works for was the one behind the magnificent landscape architecture of ocean park?
 the buaya!
 i wrote my name and your name on the board. <3

 by Francis Lim
you can go to the next mountain via cable cars or train. we decided to ride the cable car just cause. haha. the fog, man. it was really a thrilling ride.

 lala really loves flowers. She was into the flowers than the rides/views.
 the littler mermaids.
 the dolphin show.
 I was scared of the steps rather than the abyss and the roller coaster. haha
 aren't they cute?
 it started to rain in the middle of the show. 
because of the rain, the show was suspended.
then it rained hard so the show was cancelled. T_T
too bad. we we're really excited for it.
 jelly fishing. haha.
 we decided to take the train back to the other mountain, where the entrance is located.
 making fun of lala. haha.
 the submarine-themed train.
 admiring the train. haha
 it's raining and we're off to eat dinner
 chopsticks for three; spoon and fork for two.
 dinner time baby.
 tres marias - lala
 kyamko girls by blood.
 on our way to the MTR station.
i forgot the name of the mall. haha
 train ride back to tung chung.

*senseless Na.Na*