This blog is my pensieve. A storage of random, senseless, and/or asthmatic thoughts that my eccentric mind produce.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
A Way Out
it’s a way out, i guess. drinking, hanging out, or reading a book with a happy ending but at the end of the day, when you’re completely doing nothing — every detail of the painful experiences that you’ve had crash over, the pain you’ve thought that has subsided tightens up your chest and there’s nothing you could do but to cry and when that’s done, when you’ve shed enough tears and you’ve felt better, all you could do is to remind yourself that you need to be strong and not let another memory make you go back to that moment that you’ve thought you couldn’t get over with. I am not making sense at all. haha. bottom line is that I’m struggling to set myself free from all this bullshit. one minute, i’m okay and the next thing i know, i’m moping. and i’m just tired of going back and forth with that sort of emotion but i guess, life is a push and pull of some sort or an emotional roller coaster. maybe, this is the reason why i can’t seem to open up to a guy who’s interested in me because a part of me will always be afraid that i would go through that sort of shitness monstrosity again and i know sooner or later, a sudden moment of epiphany would make me be totally happy and fall in love all over again. i am not bitter, don’t get me wrong and i’m over him but no matter what, there’s still that pang of pain that is always reminding me of how stupid i was that i allowed someone to play me like i’m a rag doll. i know about his intentions when he tries to communicate with me and i’ve done a whole lot of effort to stay away from him but you know, there’s this small part of me who’s so damn in love with him that i just couldn’t stop myself from replying. i know he’s head over heels over someone but the thing is that why the hell would he still contact me whatsoever and please don’t give that ‘he’s your friend’ bullshit ‘cause that’s a total and pure asshat reason. oh well, no stepping backward. forward forward to infinty and beyond.